On Conversation / Ring Lardner
The other night I happened to be comeing back from Wilmington, Del. to wherever I was going and was setting in the smokeing compartment or whatever they now call the wash room and overheard a conversation between two fellows who we will call Mr. Butler and Mr. Hawkes. Both of them seemed to be from the same town and I only wished I could repeat the conversation verbatim but the best I can do is report it from memory. The fellows evidently had not met for some three to fifteen years as the judges say.
“Well,” said Mr. Hawkes, “if this isn’t Dick Butler!”
“Well,” said Mr. Butler, “if it isn’t Dale Hawkes.”
“Well, Dick,” said Hawkes, “I never expected to meet you on this train.”
“No,” replied Butler. “I genally always take Number 28. I just took this train this evening because I had to be in Wilmington today.”
“Where are you headed for?” asked Hawkes.
“Well I am going to the big town,” said Butler.
“So am I, and I am certainly glad we happened to be in the same car.”
“I am glad too, but it is funny we happened to be in the same car.”
It seemed funny to both of them but they successfully concealed it so far as facial expression was conserned. After a pause Hawkes spoke again:
“How long since you been back in Lansing?”
“Me?” replied Butler. “I ain’t been back there for 12 years.”
“I ain’t been back there either myself for ten years. How long since you been back there?”
“I ain’t been back there for twelve years.”
“I ain’t been back there myself for ten years. Where are you headed for?”
“New York,” replied Butler. “I have got to get there about once a year. Where are you going?”
“Me?” asked Hawkes. “I am going to New York too. I have got to go down there every little while for the firm.”
“Do you have to go there very often?”
“Me? Every little while. How often do you have to go there?”
“About once a year. How often do you get back to Lansing?”
“Last time I was there was ten years ago. How long since you was back?”
“About twelve years ago. Lot of changes there since we left there.”
“That’s the way I figured it. It makes a man seem kind of old to go back there and not see nobody you know.”
“You said something. I go along the streets there now and don’t see nobody I know.”
“How long since you was there?”
“Me?” said Hawkes. “I only get back there about once every ten years. By the way what become of old man Kelsey?”
“Who do you mean, Kelsey?”
“Yes, what become of him?”
“Old Kelsey? Why he has been dead for ten years.”
“Oh, I didn’t know that. And what become of his daughter? I mean Eleanor.”
“Why Eleanor married a man named Forster or Jennings or something like that from Flint.”
“Yes, but I mean the other daughter, Louise.”
“Oh, she’s married.”
“Where are you going now?”
“I am headed for New York on business for the firm.”
“I have to go there about once a year myself—for the firm.”
“Do you get back to Lansing very often?”
“About once in ten or twelve years. I hardly know anybody there now. It seems funny to go down the street and not know nobody.”
“That the way I always feel. It seems like it was not my old home town at all. I go up and down the street and don’t know anybody and nobody speaks to you. I guess I know more people in New York now than I do in Lansing.”
“Do you get to New York often?”
“Only about once a year. I have to go there for the firm.”
“New York isn’t the same town it used to be neither.”
“No, it is changeing all the time. Just like Lansing, I guess they all change.”
“I don’t know much about Lansing any more. I only get there about once in ten or twelve years.”
“What are you reading there?”
“Oh, it is just a little article in Asia. They’s a good many interesting articles in Asia.”
“I only seen a couple copies of it. This thing I am reading is a little article on ‘Application’ in the American.”
“Well, go ahead and read and don’t let me disturb you.”
“Well I just wanted to finish it up. Go ahead and finish what you’re reading yourself.”
“All right. We will talk things over later. It is funny we happened to get on the same car.”
